I choose to take that as a compliment...because sometimes I think it's someone's nice way of telling me I'm moody. I prefer to think of it as being hard to pin down.
The truth is - my moods are, in many ways, like the tides. Reliable, shifting with the pull of an external force. Extreme highs, far out lows. I do my best to find the middle ground that keeps me focused and balanced.
This past week has proven to be an impossible task. I am - definitely off-balance today.
The Oracle suffered an eye injury at the hands of a new eye doctor; a 4mm corneal tear. He said it felt like he had broken glass in his eye - poor man! Since Tuesday this has been a bad scene - eye gel every 4 hours to stave off infection; eye patches, lots of sleep & rest. The Oracle doesn't do "sick" very well and this past week has been awful for us both. (Yes, there will be a complaint filed with the State once The Oracle is given the all clear; a poorly trained, unlicensed member of the doctor's office performed an eye pressure test with a machine that actually touches the eyeball; took her SIX tries to get the right contact...in both eyes. It's a major miracle that she didn't tear both his corneas - which would have left him, essentially, blind for about 5 days...moron.)
All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the groundAnd my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted landTrying to find, trying to find where I've been.I can relate. We really do have a scorched earth situation in my mind; aggressive music is the order of the day for certain.
My job - well, it nibbles away at me some days. Most of the time I can restore myself on the 45 minute commute to our oasis of a home but others days, like yesterday, the sum total of myriad stresses of the week took their toll during that commute.
By the time I got home I felt like those nibbled pieces would never return, leaving craters on my body in their wake. I walked thru the house, darkened the bedroom, laid down and slept for an hour.
I never do that. Maybe a 15 minute lie-down after work but not a full out, dead sleep nap. And I slept for 10 solid hours last night (though I confess that was aided by the ever-delightful little dark peach colored pill known as - Ambien).
Today I'm not feeling much better, to be honest. My mood is very low; I feel abused - like I've been spit out as an unsavory appetizer by a whale shark.
How's that for poetic.
 |
| Abandoned tanker car in a defunct railway yard in northern VT |
Yup - mood is very low indeed.
Anyway, back to the job. I am an Executive Assistant to a Fortune 100 senior level executive. He is demanding, can be either extremely fair or incredibly unfair; he is also a little mercurial - one day he's an open book, the next he's closed up tight. It's taken me over 3 years to train him to even see that I'm there, that I am more than just a body at a desk. Once I got him to figure that out, it's been a pretty good gig.
His management team is amazing. Six other senior-level executives whom I support in varying ways and who all show me their appreciation each and every day.
In all this - I am blessed. Sometimes they can each be proper wankers - but can't we all.
It's the staff or the people outside of our area who can eat me alive. They don't let me do my job; they think they know better or they just beat me up until I give them the answer they want. In fact, the more someone chews away at me to get what I can't give to them, the less likely I am to try to find a workaround for them.
They fail to recognize that since the "big boss" believes I walk on water - then I do. He trusts me to do my job, to know my shit and to only bring things to him when I feel I've exhausted all other options. I do far more than manage 7 calendars, answer phones & schedule meetings.
I do all the office management for the needs of nearly 90 people. And I don't screw up...ever. I'm one of the best in my division, indeed one of the best in the company. I've had nearly 9 years to build up my reputation as someone who lets nothing fall thru the cracks, who is always prepared for every eventuality and who is usually one step ahead of everyone else.
And the staff - they know this. Yet there is always a group of them that think they can pull one over on me, go over my head to get what I won't or can't give them.
Trust me - my boss and his directs don't like to play that game, especially when it comes to me. Because they know I don't lie and I move heaven & earth for everyone, all day long.
It's nice to know they have my back that way yet it is utterly exhausting to deal with these people day in and day out.
I never opened myself this wayLife is ours, we live it our wayAll these words I don't just sayAnd nothing else mattersAt the end of such days as these lately, The Oracle is my soothing balm; he calms me with his presence. His words of comfort - are just the right thing that smooths my ruffled feathers and brings down the anxiety.
And he wasn't able to be there for me this week. Not his fault - not at all! He was suffering, poor man, and I hated to see that. On top of everything else - it's just been...
...a wasteland. And so here I am, pouring my heart out to the Internet. Putting the words out into the void in the faint hope that they will leave my heart and mind, giving my soul some rest.
Meh.
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