The Weekly Muse

The muse is a little bit - battered.

It's been another rough week here at the Oasis.

On Sunday morning just past we woke to the sound of - empty faucets.  After a few hours of fiddling, driving back and forth to the local plumbing store (thank God for the word "local") and generally mucking about - The Oracle determined the culprit was - the well pump.

The submerged well pump, in the 325 foot deep Artesian Well.  Once this was determined there was a distinct, pause, in the house and then - the air became blue. We will spare you the sounds and syllables.

A phone call to a local business recommended and we had the appointment for replacement for Monday AM.  Which meant 24 hours with no water.

Not the best of situations but we managed to get thru it.  A new, and larger, pump was installed and water began running freely from all faucets.  Took me the better part of the week to get caught up on things like doing the dishes and laundry.

It added a stress level that we decidedly did not need.

No.

The work week wasn't much better.  Oh, no disasters befell us but at a time of year when you expect that things might - slow down a bit - they have not.

And so it is that we reach Saturday and feel a bitt - wrung out.

Of course the news of the week doesn't help this situation. Not in the least.  We won't belabor any points as they are just too painful.  But...

Baby parts sold for profits.
Four Marines and One Sailor murdered by a Muslim terrorist.
Iran nuclear deal-that-is-a-disaster.

One of these by itself would be tough to take but all three in just a few days...the mind does more than reel.

Is it January 20, 2017 yet?

In the meantime, it is a vacation we need - most desperately.  The mini-breaks we take here and there help in the short-term but what we really need is a pack up and getaway on a jet plane kind of vacation.

Since that won't happen until November - oh yes, my dear friends, we will be jetting away for 10 days in a much warmer place in November - we have a couple of days planned this coming week to head to the one place that heals our very souls.

The humble Misquamicut Beach in Westerly, RI.  We'll definitely manage 2 days mid-week; we may even squeak out 3 days but that's unlikely.

We'll take what we can get at this point. We haven't been to the beach at all this summer and as it is our go-to place for rest and meditation, even The Oracle observed towards the end of this past week - "If we don't get to the beach SOON it's going to get ugly."

And we can't have that.

The Weekly Muse

I have been told I'm mercurial, a real free spirit.

I choose to take that as a compliment...because sometimes I think it's someone's nice way of telling me I'm moody.  I prefer to think of it as being hard to pin down.

The truth is - my moods are, in many ways, like the tides. Reliable, shifting with the pull of an external force.  Extreme highs, far out lows.  I do my best to find the middle ground that keeps me focused and balanced.

This past week has proven to be an impossible task. I am - definitely off-balance today.

The Oracle suffered an eye injury at the hands of a new eye doctor; a 4mm corneal tear.  He said it felt like he had broken glass in his eye - poor man!  Since Tuesday this has been a bad scene - eye gel every 4 hours to stave off infection; eye patches, lots of sleep & rest.  The Oracle doesn't do "sick" very well and this past week has been awful for us both. (Yes, there will be a complaint filed with the State once The Oracle is given the all clear; a poorly trained, unlicensed member of the doctor's office performed an eye pressure test with a machine that actually touches the eyeball; took her SIX tries to get the right contact...in both eyes. It's a major miracle that she didn't tear both his corneas - which would have left him, essentially, blind for about 5 days...moron.)

All I see turns to brown, as the sun burns the groundAnd my eyes fill with sand, as I scan this wasted landTrying to find, trying to find where I've been.

I can relate.  We really do have a scorched earth situation in my mind; aggressive music is the order of the day for certain.

My job - well, it nibbles away at me some days. Most of the time I can restore myself on the 45 minute commute to our oasis of a home but others days, like yesterday, the sum total of myriad stresses of the week took their toll during that commute.

By the time I got home I felt like those nibbled pieces would never return, leaving craters on my body in their wake.  I walked thru the house, darkened the bedroom, laid down and slept for an hour.

I never do that.  Maybe a 15 minute lie-down after work but not a full out, dead sleep nap. And I slept for 10 solid hours last night (though I confess that was aided by the ever-delightful little dark peach colored pill known as - Ambien).

Today I'm not feeling much better, to be honest.  My mood is very low; I feel abused - like I've been spit out as an unsavory appetizer by a whale shark.

How's that for poetic.

Abandoned tanker car in a defunct railway yard in northern VT

Aggressive. Abandoned. 

Yup - mood is very low indeed.  

Anyway, back to the job.  I am an Executive Assistant to a Fortune 100 senior level executive. He is demanding, can be either extremely fair or incredibly unfair; he is also a little mercurial - one day he's an open book, the next he's closed up tight.  It's taken me over 3 years to train him to even see that I'm there, that I am more than just a body at a desk.  Once I got him to figure that out, it's been a pretty good gig.

His management team is amazing.  Six other senior-level executives whom I support in varying ways and who all show me their appreciation each and every day.

In all this - I am blessed.  Sometimes they can each be proper wankers - but can't we all.

It's the staff or the people outside of our area who can eat me alive.  They don't let me do my job; they think they know better or they just beat me up until I give them the answer they want.  In fact, the more someone chews away at me to get what I can't give to them, the less likely I am to try to find a workaround for them.

They fail to recognize that since the "big boss" believes I walk on water - then I do.  He trusts me to do my job, to know my shit and to only bring things to him when I feel I've exhausted all other options.  I do far more than manage 7 calendars, answer phones & schedule meetings.

I do all the office management for the needs of nearly 90 people.  And I don't screw up...ever.  I'm one of the best in my division, indeed one of the best in the company. I've had nearly 9 years to build up my reputation as someone who lets nothing fall thru the cracks, who is always prepared for every eventuality and who is usually one step ahead of everyone else.

And the staff - they know this.  Yet there is always a group of them that think they can pull one over on me, go over my head to get what I won't or can't give them.

Trust me - my boss and his directs don't like to play that game, especially when it comes to me. Because they know I don't lie and I move heaven & earth for everyone, all day long.

It's nice to know they have my back that way yet it is utterly exhausting to deal with these people day in and day out.

I never opened myself this wayLife is ours, we live it our wayAll these words I don't just sayAnd nothing else matters

At the end of such days as these lately, The Oracle is my soothing balm; he calms me with his presence.  His words of comfort - are just the right thing that smooths my ruffled feathers and brings down the anxiety.

And he wasn't able to be there for me this week.  Not his fault - not at all!  He was suffering, poor man, and I hated to see that.  On top of everything else - it's just been...

...a wasteland.  And so here I am, pouring my heart out to the Internet.  Putting the words out into the void in the faint hope that they will leave my heart and mind, giving my soul some rest.

Meh.

Fizziness, Peace and Static

Photography - it is one of the sweetest spots in my life.

My inspiration and motivation for it comes in fits and starts; I can go weeks not even touching the camera bag and then - BAM! - you can't keep the camera out of my hands.

Sunset on Anna Maria Island, west coast of FL.

Of course vacationing in a place like the west coast of Florida gives many opportunities for gorgeous photographs like the one above and the one below.

Sunset on Anna Maria Island, west coast of FL

And of course living in New England - it's a bounty of opportunities nearly every day.  And that's where the motivation comes in.

Inspiration is everywhere and I used to carry all my camera equipment in the car wherever I went.  It's how I got images like this one:

Lake Terramuggus in Marlborough, CT

For some reason, years ago, I just stopped carting the equipment around.  Maybe I got bored... there was a time when what I saw was all one-dimensional and flat.  No inspiration was going to come when I could barely see colors.  Believe me, even though I tried the results of those efforts during that time were - not publishable.

These days the camera goes where I go only when I travel.  A dear friend recently purchased a gorgeous house in the northern mountains of Vermont and it's given me ample opportunity for some really unique and, quite frankly, jaw-dropping photographs.

Lenticular Clouds forming over the Summit of Mount Washington in the White Mountains of NH.

I need to find a way to hold onto that feeling in the pit of my stomach when I capture such pictures; it's a fizzy feeling.  Laughter bubbles up from deep inside my soul - joyous, happy laughing at my great good fortune to be present for such visual feasts as this.

Early morning fog on the CT River in Northern VT; White Mountains in NH in the background.

The laughter can turn to happy tears as I contemplate the wonders of nature and the handiwork of God.  It can be - overwhelming.

Holding on to those feelings during the grind of daily life these days can be daunting. But I must find a way - with the bad news in the world coming in from every side I feel that I need to cling to those things that give my soul peace.

My camera bag. My tripod. The Oracle. My Faith.

These are the things that matter.  All else is just - static.

Seeing The Forest For The Trees

Brilliant blue sky.  Warm sunshine (not too warm...).  The air is still.  The birds sing and chirp. The hummingbirds continue their yearly and epic battles, those petite ninja killers.

And I sit in The Oasis...pots of herbs, veggies, flowers and grasses adorn pretty much every inch of space that we don't need to walk in.

From a beautifully overgrown pot of Basil to this luscious Hibiscus - our Oasis is just brimming with greenery and color.  Since we are surrounded by wildlife that enjoys sampling anything in a traditional garden - we grow everything in pots on the deck.  Deer might be willing to come up close the house to nibble on a Tomato plant but they don't come up on the deck - ever.  And while we have had woodchucks eat away at a pot of Parsley...we have finally gotten rid of that particular pest by eliminating their hideaways and burrows.

We really are blessed beyond measure with our home. Built in 1978, we purchased it in 1989. It sits on one pristine acre of land that, at one time, had 68 trees on it.  We are below 40 trees now - took us 15 years to get to this point!  There are still a few skinny trees that could come down but that's always a rather tense discussion in the house; The Oracle would rather let it all go back to nature and while I agree with that - it's only to a point.

Anyway, I digress.  The true beauty of our home - our Oasis - isn't in just the house or the property. It's what is behind us that makes this truly an island of serenity in a world growing inward.

When we moved in back in 1989 there was a large woodland area behind the house.  A rambling stonewall went from one property to another, marking a property boundary that time has forgotten about.  Beyond that stonewall was just - woods.  We took several walks thru them in the early days of living here.  Dense forest is all it was - tall Oak trees growing side by side, the forest floor littered with leaves, decaying limbs and struggling undergrowth.

We figured at some point whoever owned those many acres of land would sell it - unable to resist the filthy lucre to be gained from selling a couple hundred acres of land to a builder.  Even in a town like ours - with one acre zoning for building houses - it would be a killing for a construction company to acquire.

Fast forward about 10 years and at a local annual fall fair, we encounter a booth with topographical maps of town.  As would anyone, we swiftly identified where we live - eager to see what lay beyond where we used to wander in the woods.

The gentleman manning the booth watched us and then approached - "Do you live there?", he asked.  "Why yes, we do.", we replied. He looked at the map, then us and his expression was one of - envy mixed with joy.

"The man who owns the land behind your house once thought to sell it to a builder", our man informed us. Even confirmed something we suspected for many years - that there is a variance road that leads deep into the woods from the road we live off of.  Then he revealed the reason for his envy and joy - "He had a change of heart and when he dies he has deeded the property to the town for open space."

Open. Space. Stipulated in the man's Will...unbreakable.

I recall we simply stood there rooted to that spot. Staring, slack-jawed, at our man.  I think one of us might have squeaked out a "Really?"...beyond that, my memory is frozen at the moment we learned that for however long we lived here - the land behind us would remain a lush, untouched forest.

No neighbors - ever.  No disruption to the serenity of our backyard - ever.

Even now, 15 years later - as I look out at that dense green space, grown thicker over the years with undergrowth and big green ferns as far as you can see - I am struck silent by the grace of our good fortune.

On the busiest day in this neighborhood - when people have guests over, music blaring - we can retreat to this glorious space and let all that hubbub just...fade away.

As I get older, I am less inclined to travel; thankfully The Oracle feels the same way.  And while we will take trips to that most excellent, magical home-of-friends in VT; and every so often head south to the pristine beaches of the west coast of Florida - we are becoming more and more apt to stay home for our times off from work.  Even in the wintertime, there is a cold, clear beauty to the forest behind us, to the silence of our Oasis.

True - there are foreign places on my Bucket List - the Highlands of Scotland, the cosmopolitan thrum of London, the vast beauty of Tuscany.  And maybe someday we'll get there.

In the meantime, I live out the majority of my Bucket List right here at home - where I have an Oasis to escape to, I have a piano indoors to soothe me and I have The Oracle by my side, with his quiet strength and gentle ways.